The difficulties associated with being called to pastoral ministry have been well documented of late. Given the polarizing politics of both the world outside and inside the church, ministry leaders more and more are looking for the door. On the opposite side of this equation, studies reveal that those in Generation Z are leaving organized expressions of Christian faith even more rapidly than did Millennials a generation earlier. Consequently, the church today is struggling both with backed-up exit ramps filled with those leaving the ministry and empty on ramps for those seeking to become ministry leaders.

As the President of Covenant Seminary, I’m particularly attuned to this situation facing the church. We give thanks to God for those students who are studying with us at the Seminary, both residentially and through our online programs. Despite these broader trends, we are also especially thankful that Covenant is seeing a resurgence, particularly among students who desire to serve as pastors in the church. So, as we look back on 68 years of the Lord’s faithfulness there is much about which to be encouraged!

But the challenges are real. Not surprisingly, a careful analysis of their complexity is beyond the scope of this article. However, I would like for us to recognize that we are not the first generation among God’s people who have found the task of ministry leadership challenging, both for leaders and for their followers. Indeed, it’s always been hard.

As a case and point, we need look no further than Numbers 20. In this passage of Scripture, we witness the people of God grumbling yet again in the face of their wilderness wanderings. This time, however, the people of God are not the only ones whose faith falters. You may recall that in this passage Moses’s faith also falters—and does so spectacularly.

But God’s grace shows up in this passage too, reminding us that it’s God’s grace that enables flawed leaders to keep on leading and flawed followers to keep on following.

When I look back on my own ministry journey, I cannot help but remember the many times I have found myself in the proverbial shoes of Moses. I shudder over my failures. Truth be told, all Christians and all ministry leaders are deeply flawed. Those flaws take their toll and reap dividends that do harm. None of us are strangers to those wounds that affect both leaders and followers. For Moses, his failure meant that he would forgo the privilege of leading the people of Israel into the Promised Land. For some of us today, the discipline of the Lord can be no less painful.

Context for Ministry Failure (vv. 1-6, 10)

There is no way we should ever excuse ministry or moral failure. But gaining a better understanding of why leaders do the things they do can help us behave differently. Our failures never occur in a vacuum; they are always embedded in certain circumstances. Not surprisingly, Moses’s ministry failure also has a context. Let’s look again at the passage.

Fatigue (v. 2). Israel had been wandering for almost 40 years. After having been so close to the Promised Land so long ago, can you imagine the fatigue of a journey that never seemed to end? Moreover, the sheer fatigue of ministry makes us especially susceptible to mistakes. I recall one wife asking her pastor-husband as he spiraled out of control, “Are you ready to stop trying to save the world?” Fatigue challenges our ability to lead because it drains our reservoir of emotional strength. Fatigue can tend to lead us to minister on proverbial “fumes” instead of a well-filled tank of fuel.

Frustration (vv. 3–5). It is no wonder that Moses gives into fatigue and reveals his frustration. The people are grumbling again:

3 And the people quarreled with Moses and said, “Would that we had perished when our brothers perished before the Lord! 4 Why have you brought the assembly of the Lord into this wilderness, that we should die here, both we and our cattle? 5 And why have you made us come up out of Egypt to bring us to this evil place? It is no place for grain or figs or vines or pomegranates, and there is no water to drink.”

One commentator notes that God’s people are given to catastrophizing their situation. Things are difficult, but they are not as dire as they pronounce. In their frustration, they are making things out to be worse than they really are.

In the face of that frustration, leaders often crumble. “Fix it,” their people say. “Stop it,” they say. “Make it better,” they say. “You stink,” they say. Leadership is not for the faint of heart. There be real arrows in the bows of the sheep!

Family (v. 1). There’s one more contextual issue we need to pay attention to here. Moses has just lost his sister, Miriam. Of course, people have been dying on the journey every day for 40 years. Nevertheless, when death strikes our own family, it touches us more deeply. Surely the fact that Miriam has died and Aaron was soon to die made Moses aware of the toll his calling in ministry was having. The promise of 40 years earlier has ended in a wilderness of waiting and longing. “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?” (Ps. 13:1).

When fatigue, frustration, and familial loss converge, it makes for the “perfect storm” in life. No wonder Moses’s worst self comes out now. Circumstances were tough.

The same is true in our lives. Our “old ways” and our “old self,” the one we sometimes refer to as the “shadow side” of our personality, is nurtured by the circumstances of fatigue, frustration, and loss. These circumstantial realities are the beginning of the “downward spiral” that always precedes ministry and moral failure.

How aware are you of your surrounding circumstances and the impacts they may be having in your life? How is your sense of intimacy and dependence on the Lord? Do you feel a sense of entitlement related to your position or previous sacrifices you have made? Have you been weighed down by your experience of loss—by things not working out the way you thought they were supposed to? These are questions we must constantly be asking ourselves.

Ministry Failure (vv. 6-12)

Next, let’s talk about Moses’s failure. He arrives at the bottom of the downward spiral. He acts out of his worst impulses. Rather than being an example of faith, Moses here reveals what it means to fail in our faith. Having said that, I think we must admit that God’s response seems a little severe to us. What’s the big deal? Was Moses’s failure really that bad? We need to dig a little discover that it was, in fact, a very big deal. Why?

• Moses does not speak to the rock as God had instructed him; he speaks to the people. Moses’s prophetic ministry was restricted to “rock,” perhaps because the Lord knew Moses’s weakened state. Regardless, Moses assumed a privilege that was not his. As a result, he angrily indicts the people: “Hear now: you rebels . . .” What this suggests is that God is angry at the people. Yet, nothing in the passage suggests that. God simply shows that he is eager to grant the people their request.

• Moses claims a power that is not his; he suggests that it is by his power that water will flow to the people. “Shall we bring water for you out of this rock?” This question betrays where Moses has now placed his confidence—in himself. Yet, Moses was only an instrument to reveal the Lord’s power. Sadly, he has now begun to see himself as wielding the power of the Lord at his own accord.

• Moses disobeys the specific command the Lord had given to him. He strikes the rock twice instead of speaking to the rock. Again, why is this such a big deal? My colleague Dr. Jay Sklar and I were discussing this recently. He noted that the Hebrew in the passage gives us two clues that reveal just how big Moses’s sin was.

  • Moses lifted up his hand (v. 11). The Hebrew word here, םוּר , is the same word used for the Israelites who sin with a “high hand” or “lift up their hearts” in pride and forget God (cf. Num. 15:30; Deut. 8:14).

  • Moses did not believe God. See what God says to Moses: “Because you did not believe in me . . .” (v. 12). This indictment is typically reserved for the people of Israel, as in Deuteronomy 1:32, but now Moses has shown himself to be just like everybody else.

Moses failed horribly. Leaders often mistakenly believe, “If it’s to be, it’s up to me.” Clearly, Moses thought it was time to seize the reins. He was in charge. He needed his turn in the “captain’s chair.” So, what did he do? He said the wrong things. He claimed the wrong things. He did the wrong things. Sound familiar?

In what ways are you “out of heart and life alignment” with the Lord and his will? Have you been saying the wrong things—such as expressing exaggerated anger, criticism, fear, and anxiety? Have you been claiming “more” than the Lord has said or revealed? Have you disobeyed God’s clear instruction in unbelief, taking things into your own hands? If so, are you ready to repent?

I would venture to say that the most powerful thing we bring to the organizations and people we lead is not our talent, knowledge, or experience. All of those are important, but they are not the most important. The most important thing we bring is our transparent willingness to acknowledge our sin and weakness. As Jack Miller, pastor and founder of World Harvest Mission (now Serge), liked to say, our call is to be the “Chief Repenters” in our organizations.

God’s Faithfulness (vv. 11-13)

Where is the enabling power to do that—to become the chief repenters? It comes from God’s mercy and grace, of course. We see that grace given to Moses and the people in verses 11–13. Moses failed. The people failed. Yet, God blessed anyway. How? By the waters that gushed from the rock even though Moses had disobeyed. Yes, there were consequences for Moses’s behavior, but those consequences did not prevent God from showing grace to both Moses and the people in spite of their failure. The people’s thirst was satisfied!

How is this? You already know the answer to that question. As Paul reminds us, the rock which quenched the thirst of the Israelites in the wilderness “was Christ” (1 Cor. 10:4). In him, we discover the fountain of living waters that quenches the guilt of our sin and corrals our wayward hearts. It’s by his grace that we can move forward in ministry and in life.

Friends, this is what we need to hold on to in this ministry moment.

• There is not a leader out there who is not profoundly flawed. That goes for all of us reading this or serving in our churches. Jesus reminds us that there is grace for flawed leaders.

• While there are disqualifying acts that I do not want to minimize, flawed leaders are called to keep on leading. Only by grace do we keep pressing on in life and in our callings.

• As followers, we will all be disappointed by the leaders of our organizations. They will fail us. They are not Jesus. But, because of Jesus, we can keep on following and serving together.

CONCLUSION

Leadership in life and in ministry is a complicated subject. Character, gifts, skills, and resilience are all essential to effective leadership. I remember my junior season of football practice. A lot of guys were on the field for the spring tryouts. The coach’s greatest desire was to find out who really wanted to play. Drills were designed to weed out those who weren’t serious. Each player was lined up opposite a partner. Then, the coach blew the whistle. The players were instructed to engage their partner with an aggressive hit. I thought the drill would never end. I thought my partner was killing me. He was bigger, faster, stronger, and just flat out better. Finally, the drill ended. However, it was the next day that provided the biggest surprise. My partner didn’t show up. I guess he was just a little more miserable than I was.

That day I learned a lesson—the lesson of perseverance. There can be no leadership without perseverance. As MTW missionary Tim McKeown once told me, “The key to ministry is showing up!”

There’s a lot of truth in that proverb. Nevertheless, in life and in ministry, things are more complicated. Perseverance requires more than willpower. In ministry, it is not so much our bodies that give out, but our hearts. Fatigue, frustration, and the loss to our families overwhelm us. Our shadow selves take over. While wanting to do our best, we end up being our worst.

With Paul, we ask, “Who is sufficient for these things?” (2 Cor. 2:16). Certainly not us!

That’s why we need something stronger than grit. We need grace. Thankfully, Paul goes on, reminding us that our sufficiency is in God (2 Cor. 3:5), who, through Christ, “always leads us in triumphal procession” (2 Cor. 2:14). It’s God’s grace, then, that sustains leaders and followers in the midst of ministry failure.

We need a supernatural stamina. Such can only come by grace. We need the grace to persevere in the face of sin—our own and that of those we lead. We need repentance and forgiveness. If you want to lead and if you want to be led, we need all four.

Therefore, I guess we better all get to the river and drink up the life-giving waters of Christ.

Note: This article first appeared in the spring 2024 edition of Covenant magazine. Get your copy or subscribe to Covenant here.